Last time we posted, I mocked the idea of a holiday gift guide – all the major tech blogs do it, and I’m purposely trying to go against the grain. So, what better than a reverse-gift guide? That’s right. These are the 3 worst tech gifts that you absolutely do not want to buy for your friends and family (unless you loathe them). It’s the 3 gadgets you’ll want to avoid purchasing this Christmas season. You get the idea.
Ring by Logbar
Plenty of hay has been made about how bad the Ring by Logbar. I haven’t actually tried it myself (why in the world would be buy this idiotic looking ring), but I feel like I’ve read enough negative feedback on this ill-advised product to be able to comment on it. First thing – it doesn’t at all do what it’s supposed to. Apparently, the gestures register correctly about 5% of the time – and Logbar tech support confirmed that this was in the ‘normal’ range and not due to a defective model.
Also, apparently the majority of gestures don’t work unless you have the app open. That’s right. Before you use the ‘convenient’ gestures (that work 5% of the time), you first have to take your phone out of your pocket, unlock it, and open the app. Doesn’t that sound convenient? It sure does to me…
Oh, also, in case you were worried the ring looks stupid – well, you’d be spot on. Imagine having a chunky plastic ring on your finger that essentially stops you from doing such everyday things like closing a fist, or gripping a door handle comfortably. That’s what this is. Not to mention that the thing doesn’t work, so you’re really just wearing a big white plastic ring as a fashion statement.
Myris by Eyelock
For $279.99, you can have this ball that you can use to unlock your computer. I mean, typing a password into your computer is clearly way too much work, so here’s a ball that you can hold up to you eye to do the same thing. And it only costs $279.99!
OK, I’ll give this company a little bit of credit – apparently eye-scanning is more accurate than any other identification method other than DNA. So I’ll give them that – the security is good. But from my perspective, everything else about this product is kind of a nightmare – firstly, why would you want a hockey puck on your desk where every time you need to unlock something on your computer, you need to hold it up to your face? Not to mention you’re required to remove your glasses, so that’s about a third of the population for whom using this product is a major inconvenience.
Basically, this thing may be more secure, but it’s slower, you can’t really use it if you wear glasses, you need to hold it up to your eye every time you want to log in to something, and it costs $279.99. Additional disadvantage – people who use eye-scanning security are inevitably at risk of being Demolition-Manned by Wesley Snipes, and nobody wants that.
You ever feel like you’re not being watched enough? Do you ever pace around your house, wishing that you’d be monitored more heavily by the NSA? Well, this creepy dystopian doll device (aptly called Mother) will help you feel like you’re 100% properly under surveillance.
The first issue I have with this is that it’s pretty damn creepy. The beady eyes and menacing smile just scream ‘At first I’m just going to be a hi tech device but at a later point in this story I will become self aware and haunt you’. This is like the 21st century equivalent of a creepy haunted doll. I feel like if this thing lost the face, it would be significantly less creepy and I might be able to actually consider whether it’s useful or not. But we can’t get over the creepiness.
Also, who’s really out there actively looking for more nagging in their life. I’m certainly not. They even called their product ‘Mother’, which obviously means even the production team know how irritating this product could turn out to be. You stick a little ‘cookie’ on your toothbrush, and if you don’t brush your teeth, ‘Mother’ will know. Even without the creepy factor it sounds like a nightmare.
Surely there’s a less creepy, less irritating way of creating a device that reminds you to do stuff.